When Fear Meets Trust
When I was living at the beach several years ago, every morning I would rise in the dark of dawn to go work out in grateful solitude. I was often amazed that few to no one took advantage of such beauty that sits right there freely waiting for one to experience every single day.
It had become a ritual daily meditation that I thrived on. It was my personal time of reflection and discernment. I would have my ear pods in listening to the angelic voices of dear friends in the Dominican Monastery of Lourdes, France chanting prayers. And with each step I took I was reminded of my second home far from my reality these days as a single mom.
This morning as I had begun my ritual in the early dark hour, I was presented with an incredibly unique contrast of images, thoughts, feelings and in the end dramatic realizations that literally came crashing down around me through the thunderous ocean waves. That morning I was acutely aware of a message being directed towards me. I knew I needed to face it head on and listen as difficult as it would be.
As I started out a fiercely radiant sky with an array of pink and purple hues began to fill the scattering of clouds over the ocean water in front of me as the sun would begin its ascent. I was walking towards something in my heart, I was feeling called to look within and beyond as I found myself in this intimate presence that was presenting different to me than other mornings. Yet, at the same defining moment behind me a vivid contrast was occurring with a shattering lightning storm orchestrated opposite the dawn. I could not hide; I could not turn from it at this point. I could not ignore each harsh bolt that struck the sky piercing my heart with fear that raced through my body as I was alone in this enormous happenstance. That very moment among the morning rising, I was being called to face my fear, I was being called to trust.
Do you recall a moment where you were being called to trust, but your fear was overwhelming?
I tried not to turn my head back at every shrieking and flickering strike, staring forward as the distinct beauty was rising to light the morning sky; the sun painfully pushing to break through the mystical darkened storm clouds with each step I took. I felt this deeply. There were equally beautiful, yet conflicting emotions running deep. I was presented with a challenge to face these feelings head on; I was challenged to embrace a solid foundation of trust by the end of the morning workout. A trust that was rare for me to embrace.
Could I accept it?
It was extraordinary for me to consider in this fleeting moment how life is truly a constant with this process. We are always identifying our struggles, our fears and trying to unravel our stories with an unknown. That trust that is called to us, is the grace we need in the stumbling steps and lessons that we must walk through. That trust is offering us something bigger than we can usually see in that moment it shows its humble presence.
That morning with each step I pushed harder along the damp sandy shores as the tide faded farther and farther out. I feared listening as we often do, for it meant going within. I quickly continued along the shoreline to see an endless glimmering blanket of stones and shells. These beautiful rarities reminding me of the constant stories on our journey, the diverse emotions, and the humble acceptance each held in its unique design, much like our lives. It was clear this desolate but auspicious morning held something more than the eye could see. I was honoring the gift of pause to take time and listen deep within; question the road I had been walking thus far. These stones reminded me that there was something beautiful in the cracks and broken pains of our stories, there was something beautiful that we need to take away from each wound, joy, sorrow, trauma, or love.
Do you take these moments to question and listen when they come to you within your day? Or do you run in the fear that can easily consume us?
Through these stones, among these shells I began to reflect on the many moments I had walked. I write often about how we all have stories. Do those stories define us? Are the stories meant to travel with us through our entire journey? Are we meant to let some stories go after a period of time? This is all our inner battle’s to finding peace along the way, as our fear meets trust. This morning I took it personally.
Each step, every breath spoke to me defining a direction in becoming aware of the moment. The ocean was speaking, the ocean held my trauma in its vigorous power. I inhaled my pain. I exhaled relief and letting go. My fears were present as I attempted to embrace trust in the gentleness of the waves rushing up to me as they finished their revolution. I was allowing my fear, for I was beginning to allow trust. I was curious what it wanted to show me.
I began to see a new light. I began to ask myself a new question. As I considered the vast beauty and possibility that could come in trusting over my fear, I felt a sense of peace. The sun broke through, the storm passed and I couldn’t help see the message presented to me in that moment.
I think about it often with every life storm that comes my way. If we spent as much time trusting as we do in fear, perhaps our lives would be more peaceful.
What fear is asking you to meet it with trust today?
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Andrea creates, builds, and offers her teachings and hands on life tools based on her journey healing her body image after a 14yr battle and life of trauma. Her vision always is to help others live a full life with the journey they are given.