Sitting on the porch this evening as the sun was going down, we were bringing a very long day to an end.
My daughter opened the screen door and asked if she could just talk to me for a bit. I secretly love these moments, for the teenage years are fast approaching and time for mom is not always a need anymore.
She began just talking about her day. As I listened to this amazing young woman sitting before me, I marvel at her and wonder when she grew up. I have a hard time putting my emotions into words, by what came out of her mouth in the next few moments.
I preface this by sharing it is safe to say that it has been a rough few months, though clearly that is an understatement. Looking back on the last several years, you would know this truth for our little trio deeply as many do. I am not a perfect mother by any means. In fact, I question myself daily in all that I choose for my children.
I have never believed that life was meant to be an easy road to journey. The lessons, the gifts and the self-discoveries within us are the best part of waking up in the morning. Though, not a day goes by, I don’t wish I could take back some of those struggles my children had to face so young. Their one job should only be, to be a kid.
As a single mom, with very little financial or hands on support from their father for several years, it falls on me to get our needs met. Sadly, my children understood the reality of rent, they could appreciate the luxury of heat in the winter and never did they take for granted the food before them. We always had our needs met, sometimes with a little help from our friends, and we learned valuable lessons along the way.
So, when my daughter begins to tell me that in class this week, they were asked to write an essay on their hero, never did I expect the following sentence to come out of her mouth.
Her hero is me, her mom.
I did my best to hold back my tears as she explained to me why she chose her mom, what she has learned from me on our journey and how she is so grateful for all that I add to her to life. Inside, I kept thinking, ‘But, I messed up so much!’ Yet, this little girl all of twelve, understood how we got to where we are today.
Her face lit up as she told me how she was able to tell her friends that she only needs to search google to find a photo of her mom, since she was a published author. She is so proud of me, faults and all.
So, today, I am going to savor that moment. I am going to remind myself that it is not about perfection, but rather love. When you begin with love and end with love, nothing is ever wrong or not enough.
What Bernadette doesn’t realize is that she is my hero, for the awesome young woman she is turning out to be. I may not always get it right, but I wouldn’t take back one second of being mom for anything in the world.
Thank you, sweet girl, for allowing me to be your mom.
(*Important Note: I have an equally amazing son I feel I need to share, so as to not completely ruin my 'five minute good mom' status in one article! Ha)
As we begin to walk into the new year at the darkest time of the year…it’s an ever-changing journey of uncertainty in so many different ways.
Is there really ever a normal?
Are things ever completely how they’re meant to be?
I’ve never been convinced of this…
So while each of us face whatever darkness it is for us this time of year, remember that the light of the season will come upon you.
Sometimes things feel like there will never be a crossing over, but the truth is, it will never come if you don’t open the door.
December marks a monumental moment for me. Today is my 15yr Recovery Anniversary from Anorexia and Body Hatred. I struggled for 14yrs, and this year I surpassed this number in recovery.
The recovery journey is not a perfect one, it doesn't always look as one would expect. There are lessons along the way each day that I hold on to in moments where I doubt.
But, today, I am proud of the journey I walked. I wouldn't take any of it back, for each step gave me blessings that make me who I am today. My book, my motivational speaking and my retreats I lead are my greatest way to share my story and help others along their own path. That is my greatest work and I wouldn't take that back.
I am grateful to countless people who never gave up on me, for they are the reason I am here today. Thank you, once again for your friendship and belief in me. The journey is always beginning.
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Andrea creates, builds, and offers her teachings and hands on life tools based on her journey healing her body image after a 14yr battle and life of trauma. Her vision always is to help others live a full life with the journey they are given.