I Am Worthy

Andrea's YAY Scales!

​I am Worthy.
 
“He said, ‘Come to the edge.’
They said, ‘No we will fall.’
He said, ‘Come to the edge.’
Then they came to the edge, he pushed them, and they flew.”
 ~Guillaume Apollinaire
 
The greatest gift I walked away with from 14 years of Anorexia is the knowledge that I am worthy. It wasn’t an easy revelation to embrace, but it was necessary for me to take the next steps to owning my journey. The courage to embrace my worth, the courage to define my story and the courage to find my voice was rooted in first being able to say these words out loud, ‘I am worthy.’ It didn’t come easy; it didn’t come without many false attempts. But, when it came, I understood it deeply for the first time in my life.

I always allowed others to tell me I wasn’t worthy. I let the media and society’s definition of beauty define my worth. I obsessed with false truth’s within numbers on a scale, skewed reflections in a mirror and other’s opinion of me to define my story and silence my voice.

Until I was able to accept that it was my choice, and I was the only who could make it; until I was able to accept humility in asking for help to walk forward in healing; until I was able to accept that one must get up after each fall; until these revelations and steps could be recognized, could I BEGIN AGAIN!

In last 7 days of eating disorder awareness week 161 people died of eating disorders and body dissatisfaction. That number is likely a lot higher, but the deaths aren’t often recorded as eating disorders. Think about that for a moment. People are dying trying to fit into a definition others impose on us, which they think will bring them happiness, social acceptance and a better life. Along my 14-year battle with Anorexia, I personally lost many friends to this illness. I personally lost 14 years of life I can’t get back.

Imagine if we just embraced who we are in this moment, for all the amazing qualities that we have by being our unique self. Imagine how amazing our journey could be.

I wrote my book because I strongly believe there is a positive in every negative. I do this work because I don’t believe one more person should die because they feel less than. I left the eating disorder speaking circuit some time ago due to life responsibilities. I didn’t return until now because of fear that I would be less than. This week I encountered amazing people through my events, through my blog, through private messages and phone calls. People who took a step towards healing by reaching out to me, to ask for help. I am grateful for this reminder that my voice will never be silenced. I am grateful for the reminder that it is time for me to put my fears and ‘less than’ mentality behind me returning to the work I am most passionate about.
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My voice is loud, my voice is needed, and my voice is a reminder that we can all BEGIN AGAIN.

Listen to Andrea on WEHC 90.7 'Owning Our Stories & Eating Disorders'