Blog Thoughts: They can’t hear you; they need you before.

​To all the people who are sharing that they will be there for you if you ever feel so depressed that life seems easier to leave…
They can’t hear you; they need you before.
When a person has reached the point of no return, they are not listening to anything around them but the negative voices in their mind.
I know because I have been there.
I couldn’t see the light people wanted to offer.

When a person finds themselves in a suffocating darkness that pushes them to escape from life…
They can’t hear you; they need you before.
I know because I have been there.
I couldn’t accept the love, let alone be able to feel the love.

When a person is so desperately lost in their mind fighting unknown demons and sadness….
They can’t hear you; they need you before.
I know because I have been there.
I couldn’t see or believe in my worth.

Your intentions are pure, good, and kind, but they do not need you to be good and kind in that moment they are facing, for it is nearly impossible for them to receive something they do not feel they deserve.

When they are sitting alone with their mind, they sadly can’t hear you; if they do, they are ashamed by their feelings and don’t know how to ask or receive the help that you graciously offer.

Honestly…
They need you to notice BEFORE they reach that point.
They need you to notice when they begin to withdraw.
They need you to notice when they keep turning down invitations.
They need you to notice when they stop showing up to work.
They need you to notice when they stop doing the things they once loved.
They need you to notice when it surpasses their anxiety and introvert ways and has become more, so much more.
They need you to notice, to speak up, to be present in the moments before they can no longer tell you.

I am one of the lucky ones who had people in my life who noticed.
I have not spoken of this before; it is humbling to share, but necessary.
 
Not everyone fits the ideal family photos.  
Not everyone has a partner or best friend by their side.
Not everyone has people.
 
I am grateful for those who saw my darkness before.
I am grateful for those who were patient as I tried to re-ignite the light.
I am grateful for those who were so persistent in helping me see my worth.
I am grateful for those who stuck around after all was said and done. 
 
Depression is chemical.
Depression is not a choice.
Depression is not something that you just get over.
Depression is not something that you can turn off by will or intention.
 
Pay attention.
Pay attention.
Pay attention.
 
I have been on both sides of this equation; I had the gift of working on a youth suicide hotline and being a Bridgewatch Angel in San Francisco. The Bridgewatch Program is exactly what it sounds like. We walk the Golden Gate Bridge on the high holidays being aware of others. Sadly, these times in life, despair and mental health struggles are at their worst due to how life is built up around us.

We all need to be Watch Angels every day; we all need to pay attention more.