To all the people who are sharing that they will be there for you if you ever feel so depressed that life seems easier to leave… They can’t hear you; they need you before. When a person has reached the point of no return, they are not listening to anything around them but the negative voices in their mind. I know because I have been there. I couldn’t see the light people wanted to offer. When a person finds themselves in a suffocating darkness that pushes them to escape from life… They can’t hear you; they need you before. I know because I have been there. I couldn’t accept the love, let alone be able to feel the love. When a person is so desperately lost in their mind fighting unknown demons and sadness…. They can’t hear you; they need you before. I know because I have been there. I couldn’t see or believe in my worth. Your intentions are pure, good, and kind, but they do not need you to be good and kind in that moment they are facing, for it is nearly impossible for them to receive something they do not feel they deserve. When they are sitting alone with their mind, they sadly can’t hear you; if they do, they are ashamed by their feelings and don’t know how to ask or receive the help that you graciously offer. Honestly… They need you to notice BEFORE they reach that point. They need you to notice when they begin to withdraw. They need you to notice when they keep turning down invitations. They need you to notice when they stop showing up to work. They need you to notice when they stop doing the things they once loved. They need you to notice when it surpasses their anxiety and introvert ways and has become more, so much more. They need you to notice, to speak up, to be present in the moments before they can no longer tell you. I am one of the lucky ones who had people in my life who noticed. I have not spoken of this before; it is humbling to share, but necessary. Not everyone fits the ideal family photos. Not everyone has a partner or best friend by their side. Not everyone has people. I am grateful for those who saw my darkness before. I am grateful for those who were patient as I tried to re-ignite the light. I am grateful for those who were so persistent in helping me see my worth. I am grateful for those who stuck around after all was said and done. Depression is chemical. Depression is not a choice. Depression is not something that you just get over. Depression is not something that you can turn off by will or intention. Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention. I have been on both sides of this equation; I had the gift of working on a youth suicide hotline and being a Bridgewatch Angel in San Francisco. The Bridgewatch Program is exactly what it sounds like. We walk the Golden Gate Bridge on the high holidays being aware of others. Sadly, these times in life, despair and mental health struggles are at their worst due to how life is built up around us. We all need to be Watch Angels every day; we all need to pay attention more.
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Wonderment
Do you stop in wonderment? Wonderment is a state of awed admiration, respect. Every day we rise in the morning with our mundane routines. We walk through the day from one thing to the next, not often taking a moment to look up from our coffee, our computer, walking down the street running errands to no end. We fail to notice. We fail to see the life around us. We fail to pause. We fail to see the old woman crossing the street and consider the long life she has led; what amazing experiences she has been able live through. What if you helped her across the street and asked her about her life while you walked? Imagine the stories you would hear if you took that moment in time! We are constantly in a hurry rushing that we pass by the little girl in the store reading a label to her mama with pride as she has begun a new skill on her journey. Her mama stands bursting with love watching her daughter discover what she can do as they shop. But you missed it as you made your way to the register thinking only of your next task. What if you stopped and said, ‘good job!’ What if you were able to see the awe in a small child learning to read? I often remind myself when I am feeling overwhelmed to slow down and see life through the eyes of a child. My children are teenagers today, but their experiences are so different from my own. I treasure the evening dark long car rides home from weekly choir practice as my daughter can’t stop talking about her day’s experiences. A child sees everything for the first time with this awe, admiration, and respect for what they are seeing. We forget that as we age. A lovely friend took this beautiful photo of her granddaughter. I think even as it was posted to social media, we may have paused for a moment then kept scrolling. I stopped. I sat in awe with this child. I imagined all the wonderful ideas going through her mind at this moment. This may have been the first time she ever saw a sky this beautiful, this big and glorious. You can feel it just looking at her staring up at the wonderous sky. I then paused myself to honor the beauty that had been captured. When was the last time you experienced such awe? Every day we wake and there is a sunrise; some mornings they are indescribable. Then other mornings I found the roads covered in fog sifting through the mountains as if dancing. Did you see it? This reality is around you every day, but you have to pause to find it. You must remember you were a child once upon time. What if you woke tomorrow with the eyes of a child; see the world again for the first time. Embrace wonderment! How often do we push through each moment?
How often do we rush through our day without acknowledging? It is uncomfortable to pause. It can bring uncertainty and worry to consider not knowing. But in that is the gift, it is what is truly meant for us in the present moment. We can miss it, for we are too caught up in wanting to know the way, the path and all that we have planned out for our life. Why not allow room to just be? Why not allow room for something to come to you? You just may be able to embrace the gift today in what is meant for you, instead of what you are trying to force onto your journey. Living as a minimalist has its countless gifts. One particular I treasure are stories. We have a photo wall in our home and memory books. I don't do photo albums but rather these books I have been putting together since they were born. They are filled with my favorite quotes, essays and I hand write stories of what has been going on in our lives at that moment. The photos in the books are not many, but 1-3 of our absolute favorites from an outing, occasion, or holiday. We savor the stories rather than need to fill the books up with what we feel can be more. The wall we find even more rare as it can be one photo favorite from the month. Sometimes, we don't find one. Other months we savor. The tradition, which has been so wonderful as they grew, is to find a photo and tell the story. If there was a tragedy tomorrow and we lost our home and all our mementos, it would be okay. For, I have taught them to remember the stories that will be forever with them in their memory and hearts. I hold these practices close to my heart. I have been blessed in my life by many experiences and travels. I have the memories, that is all I need. Take a moment today, tomorrow and this season to gather and tell the stories.
Today this is me listening to the thought process and asking you to do the same.
Do you know how to really pause and listen? Is your thought process crowded with life plans that don’t mirror your soul? I saw this leaf on an early mountain walk with my dog this morning. It struck me as I walked by it, but I kept walking. It was cold and wet on the mountain; I was not really wanting to linger. But I couldn’t let the imagery go. I walked back over the bridge to the leaf and just stared at it for a good minute or more, then took this photo. I thought about bringing the leaf home, but that is how painful the imagery was for me that I couldn’t face it. What do you see? I was first struck by the vibrant color. It has been raining and foggy for days. The leaves have been long gone for us as we anticipate snow in the coming months. Though, this leaf presented itself to me. There is a hole. It is imperfect. Though, still beautiful. I have been struggling for several months if not longer in the direction of my work. I believe strongly in listening. It presents the path to you. Listen to what is around you and it will call you to where you are meant to be. I have been not listening. I have been running. It is easier to not listen and run, isn’t it? Are you like me in this moment? I have always been honest in my life and work. I speak truthfully to no end in order bring life to others with the story I have walked through. I have been holding back. I have been holding back because I felt like this leaf. I felt the hole was too big, too torn and worn out to bring life, healing and especially beauty. I felt scared to share the story that was in the place of the hole. I am still scared. But it is time to share the story. It is time to give voice to the hole and all it represents. It is time to no longer hide behind the pain but to embrace the pain to heal myself and others who are likely walking alone. I will tell you right now, it is not going to be taken well by some people. It is going to be hard and difficult before it can release me, if that is even possible. I wish to be true to who I am. I wish to be true to the person I knew I could be when I walked away from that which was killing me one day long ago. I wish to honor what was once my mission before I let fear rule me. I wish to be true to who I am. I wish to be free. Are you being true to who you are? Are you free? Are you listening? (Coming soon a new talk, ‘Meeting God in the Sacred Body, a story of Survival.’ If you wish to understand more, watch this brilliant talk.) |
Next Women's Beach Retreat!Follow USOur YouTube ChannelAuthorAndrea creates, builds, and offers her teachings and hands on life tools based on her journey healing her body image after a 14yr battle and life of trauma. Her vision always is to help others live a full life with the journey they are given. Featured ProductCategories
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