Are you living a life that is most true to who you are? I don't believe that most people are doing so. Animals shed their skin all of the time. Have you ever considered that we should as well? Think about it? Why do we lock ourselves into being one human being, one type of way for eternity? Why can't we or don't we explore all the different avenues that the world offers? Why don't we change jobs midway through life? Take the risk to travel for a year? Write the book that has always been in us, but too worried we wouldn't match up to what's out there? If I listened to all the negative people in my life who question my choices daily I would never have travelled the world, lived in as many places as I have, taken risks beyond what seemed logical in life and work; I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be living my best life. I have been thinking of big changes lately that I know comes with great criticism. But, if I were to let that consume me, am I really being authentic? Consider it today.
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I had this conversation recently with my teenagers. I am grateful they choose to talk to me often about their lives. Recently, I noticed a common theme. Some people in their life need more attention than others, some friends seem like their presence can be bigger than makes them comfortable. Their first reaction was to turn away. I explained this sentiment to them in the work I do. We can't nor are they always asking for us to fix all their problems. I believe that most often people just want someone to listen, to sit by their side and recognize their struggle. Nothing more, nothing less. So, the next time you see the person who seems to always need more than you can offer, remember just sitting with them or listening for a moment or two costs you nothing. But it is worth gold to that person needing someone to care.
This week is my 19th Recovery Anniversary. Some years I recognize it, others I treat it like just any other day. This year it caught me off guard with emotions I wasn’t ready for. You likely have heard me say or write often that recovery is a journey not a destination. This is true for most things people are walking through if one is honest with themselves. But for recovery it is truer than one imagines. What does that mean? Does it mean I will always be sick with this disease? No. Does it mean I have slipped? No. Does it give me permission to use old behaviors? No. It means I accept that I will always be Anorexic, I just make choices for living today. It means some days are harder than others. It means that the thinking, the emotions, the journey around my illness that I walked for 14 years never goes away. This is both good and difficult. The good are the lessons I continue to take away from the experience; the difficult is the struggle at times for true acceptance of self. There is a difference of opinion on this, for each journey is different. I am finding this is truer for me today than I realized starting out in recovery. Over this long stretch of time, I constantly marvel at the surrealness of it all. There were more days than not that I didn’t expect to live while battling my illness. I honestly without doubt can tell you that I never imagined to be still walking this earth. When you are in hell, it never feels like you are going to be able to get out. When you had wounded every relationship in your life and look around to so very few left, you wonder if it is enough to stay. When you had lost so much of what you dreamed for in wasted time, you struggle to forgive yourself. You find yourself having to grieve this part of your journey before you can even attempt to find the gratitude within it. And, yes, I do find gratitude as hard as it is to believe. This past October I turned 52. It is no monumental number to many, but to me it spoke in ways I wasn’t expecting. The recovery journey is always complex. It is in depth, and it is a path that I never expected to continue to be teaching me daily. There are many times where I wanted to go back to it. Yes, I wanted to go back. While it sounds insane, it was simpler in ways to stay sick, then to face life. Living means working at it every single day. Living means facing the hard lessons every single day. Living means not running from the hard personal work. Living means completely giving up the one thing I believe to know me better than I know myself. Living means turning away from the safety of the easier choice. Some days I have wanted to choose Anorexia, but it doesn’t do for me what it used to for now I am choosing a behavior. I can’t reason away a poor choice, I know it is not right. I can’t ignore processing my emotions, for I learned to embrace them. I can’t abuse my body and not see or feel it instantly. I have learned that I can be human. I can have a hard day and want to drown my emotions in food; that is not failure. If anything, that is more normal than I ever have been to accept that act. If I am struggling in my body and want to go workout, that is not a failure. It is an awareness. And in the end the benefits I receive from being in nature bring me back to myself. Recovery is hard. Recovery is real. Recovery is facing the journey every single day and choosing to keep going. Is it hard every day? No. Are there times I forget it ever existed? No. The difference is today, I choose. It doesn’t get to choose me. Today I value my time, my presence on this journey. I use it to help others, so that the story is not wasted. I know that most people don’t understand me. I know that the life I live is hard for some to embrace without criticism. But I have chosen to keep going. I have chosen to live this life for me. I have chosen to stay on the journey. I would like to believe that when my time is up, people would reflect on how I fought, not how it fought me. We have entered into one of the most challenging times of the year. I believe it is divided into many distinct categories. It is important to remember that not everyone is excited by the holiday season. There are those battling the loss of loved ones that make it too painful to celebrate with memories every which way they turn. There are those who have traumatic pasts that don't allow them to sit in the joy all around them for their emotions are painful and numb. There are those who are alone; they don't have the partner, the life dreamed or the perfect picture that this time of years presents.
So, whatever your situation BE LIGHT. When you walk by each and every person this season, take a moment to pause. BE LIGHT. The person who is happiest with the brightest smile and always there for others is likely the one in the most pain. BE LIGHT. If you are going through your day and you haven't seen or heard from a friend or loved one, go check on them, they are not ok. BE LIGHT. If someone is asking for help on the street, don't judge, you don't know their story today. BE LIGHT. If there is a way to offer some of what you have through a church, don't wait, those programs are more life-giving than ever. BE LIGHT. We have an opportunity to live this mentality all year long. But this time of year is more dire and important than any other. The saying is truer today than it ever has been, we don't know anyone's story. So...BE LIGHT. The art of silence.
What does silence mean to you? For some the very thought of silence is terrifying. To sit alone with one's self, one's thoughts is beyond imaginable. For others silence is the greatest gift you can offer, taking a break from the loudness of life all around us. Silence can be your evil or it can be your gift. How will you choose to look at it today? Many years ago, when my life was about preparing to become a monastic nun, silence was my commitment to listen. I was preparing to spend the rest of my life in this solitude of presence, and there was nothing I wanted more. I still think fondly of this time and await for its return one day. For me, it was the greatest gift I could have ever imagined. There is so much more than we realize in the silence that approaches us each day. There are gifts of thought, stories waiting to be heard within and an awareness to ourselves often forgotten. Silence can share with you things that no one or nothing else can. Do you think you can sit in this place for a moment? Can you dare wonder beyond yourself to consider something different speaking to you? Consider it. |
Next Women's Beach Retreat!Follow USOur YouTube ChannelAuthorAndrea creates, builds, and offers her teachings and hands on life tools based on her journey healing her body image after a 14yr battle and life of trauma. Her vision always is to help others live a full life with the journey they are given. Featured ProductCategories
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